just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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