Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
