Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
