your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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