i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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