So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
