This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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