I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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