I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl