At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
