I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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