Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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