You can't motorboat a personality
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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