it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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