apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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