I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
