I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
