We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
