I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
