Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
