Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize