I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
