It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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