I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
