when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She bit a glass in half.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
