I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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