U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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