he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
