I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
