someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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