Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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