Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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