So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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