Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
