Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
