If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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