they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
