Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
