You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
