absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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