Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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