my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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