I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
