im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
