Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
