I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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