As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
