apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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