um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
