If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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