Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
