Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
