East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
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Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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