Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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