whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
