I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
