just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
