You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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