mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she woke up with a sticky ear
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
