You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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