i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
