i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
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I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.