my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
