My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho