We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
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i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor