If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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