The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
