I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
