i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
