That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
