i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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