we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
