I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
