You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
