Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
