Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
