After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
