You're completely useless in the revolution.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
3pm strippers are depressing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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