i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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