a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
