ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
