I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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